MoreCheese

God Smiled

I had pretty much resigned myself to the end of blogging, but then something Dina wrote stuck with me.  She asked readers to share a time that God had smiled on them.

At the time, I was in a pretty deep funk.  I thought and thought and could not think of a moment in which I felt God smiling.

Pretty silly, huh?  (To put it nicely.)

I know that my life is abundantly full.  I know that I have SO much to be thankful for, every second of every day.  And yet, I just could not bring up the feeling in myself.

And then a terrible tragedy happened to someone I know and care for.  While I grieved for my friend, I was shocked into realizing the embarrassment of riches in my life and how terribly, horribly ungrateful I had been.

That night, I wrapped my arms around my son in a tight embrace.  I pressed my cheek against his chest and listened to his heart beating.  The steady thud-thud-thud connected me instantly with the moment that I first saw that heartbeat.  Having conceived Nico via the miracle of modern medicine, we had gone for an ultrasound at the earliest moment possible.  What we saw on the computer screen looked like a tiny, single grain of rice.  It shone white against the greyish background of my womb.  It was pulsing with light.  Before he had a heart with four chambers, before he had even a head or a torso or fingers or toes, there was his heartbeat.  The same heartbeat thudding steadily now against my ear. 

In that moment, I felt my answer to Dina's question.  Yes, I have felt God smiling on me.  Let me never forget it, ever again.

And on this Christmas Eve, I wish you a very merry holiday, and a new year filled with grace and joy.

42

My last post was over a month ago?  Really?   Its no wonder that the most frequest commenters on this blog are trying to sell Cialis and ED products.  Anyways...

Life has been busy with, you know, the usual.  Work, kids, viruses, visits to family, and Nico's ever-growing preschool birthday-party circuit. 

This past Sunday, R* and I stole a few hours alone together, courtesy of my parents.  We went to a winery and shared a lovely bottle of Viognier and some warm bread and cheese (oh happy yumminess!), and got to talk without being interrupted.  We did not discuss Star Wars, or rockets, or the sounds animals make, and no one asked for Honeynut Cheerios, not even once, and it was kind of refreshing, I have to admit.  We had enough time alone together that we started missing the kids, and when we went back to my parents' house, we found my dad watching the game and my mom upstairs playing hide-and-seek with a couple of happy, giggling children.  And then we all sat down to a beautiful meal prepared by my wonderful cook of a mother, and I felt wholly and completely restored.

Today being a Wednesday and all, we were back in the grind.  I saw R briefly before he left for work, and then I got the nuggets up and dressed and fed, and Stella and I walked the dog, and then we all (minus dog) packed into the car and had a nice quick commute (the ONE positive effect of the government shutdown:  no traffic in Washington!), and I kissed and hugged the kiddos goodbye and went to my office. 

At lunch, I went to the gym and got on the treadmill.  I had one of those rare, great runs where you feel great and have abundant energy the entire time.  I coursed along on that lovely line between pushing oneself and overdoing it, always leaning on the not-overdoing it side.  Oh, it felt so good.

As I ran, I thought about my life.  This life.  It is SO full.  I thought of Nico and how he is never without some kind of construction material in his hands - blocks, Legos, you name it - and his talent for and obsession with building things, and how R* and I want to feed that and nurture it and how fun it will be to see where it goes.  I tried to stifle a laugh as I thought about Stella bean and the hundred million ways she makes us laugh every day -- her burgeoning vocabulary, how for some unknown reason she believes every animal bleats like a sheep ("Stella!  See the tiger?  What does tiger say?"  "BAAAAAA!!!!!"), how PROUD she is of her ability to drink from a cup WITHOUT A LID....  I thought of R* and felt a surge of love and appreciation for this person who is working right beside me every day.  I thought of my family and how completely fulfilled I feel when we are all together, with our new identities as parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents fitting right in with our old identities of kids and siblings and parents.

I turned 42 today.  On this normal, hectic, workweek day, I am so grateful for this busy life of mine.  This wonderful, normal day, full with the people I love.

 

Observations

On being appreciated:

Me:  "Nico, how did you get so handsome?"

N:  "Um, because you brush my hair!"

(Unfortunately, I did not brush the banana crumbs off his mouth before taking this picture.)

(Banana crumbs?  bits?  left-overs?  You know what I mean.)

*     *     *

On irresistability:

Toddlers in skinny jeans and denim jackets.  I mean.  Come ON.

(There's that crumb-leaving banana in Nico's hand.)

*     *     *

On dad/kid brainwave melds:  

R* joins Nico on the couch for some pre-daycare 'toons.  Perfectly in synch, perfectly on time, they launch into the opening refrain of our current PBS obsession: 

"WORD UP, Word Girl...."

*     *     *

On finally reaping the rewards:

We hired a babysitter a couple weekends ago and left while both kids were still awake (a new feat!).  Stella, predictably, started wailing, but as we hurried out the door, we heard Nico say, "Its okay, Stella.  They always come back."

Ah.  The mantra of his first six months of daycare, full-circle.  Amen.

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The Mini-Fast Summary

So, I did my month of the mini-fast.  The first one was really good:  I felt clear, it put me back in touch with feelings of satiety and hunger, and I definitely adjusted my portion sizes afterward.  It also was a great mental boost, in that I re-experienced the lesson of mind over matter; its an empowering one.

But, to be honest, each fast after that was more uncomfortable and less profitable than the last.  It was difficult to concentrate, and it just didn't feel good:  headaches, fatigue, etc.  Not fun.

I'm glad I tried it.  I am going to make a habit of an annual or bi-annual mini-fast.  I liked the exercise of it.  But I don't want to live it.

Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!

The other day in the car, Nico asked me which direction we were driving.  "North," I responded.

"North!!!!   That's where Santa Claus lives!!!" he exclaimed.

"That's right, Nico!  Santa lives in the North Pole."

Nothing quite equals the disdain of a pre-schooler.  "Uh, NO, Mom.  Santa lives in the North HOLE."

Oh.  Thanks for correcting me on that one, son.