MoreCheese

Reflections...

About this time last year, I was struggling with the worst case of the holiday blues I've ever had in my life.  We'd had a failed IVF in March, a failed FET (frozen embryo transfer) in July, and a terribly disappointing chemical pregnancy that ended in late November.  December hit me like a ton of bricks.  Holiday cards flooded through the mail slot in our front door, with pictures of friends' beautiful little children beaming out at me.  I was grieving, struggling to find the spirit of the season, struggling not to give in to the bitterness, disappointment, anger and sadness that had built up over the year.  I had missed a very good friend's baby shower because of our struggle to be parents.  I had skipped another friend's wedding, opting to save my dollars for yet another round of drugs and treatment.  I missed these important occassions in a selfish pursuit that had left us empty-handed, drained emotionally, and set back financially.  Knowing full well the emptiness and bitterness I was struggling with, my dear husband urged me to celebrate Christmas with our families rather than cocoon ourselves or withdraw... and I think that's what saved me, that decision to purposefully connect with family, to hug our little niece tight, to let go of all the disappointments of the year.  Last year ended with a lot of love and laughter and silliness, and I especially want to thank our parents and all our brothers and sisters for that.  You did more for us than you'll ever know.

This year, I celebrated Christmas with a little miracle kicking at my ribs (quite literally).  We opened gifts addressed to "the little boy hiding in his mommy's tummy."  We laughed as our son kicked at his uncles and aunts and grandmothers (the grandpas may have been a bit shy of the tummy).  We received our son's first Christmas ornament, and a million good wishes and blessings for our new little family.  This year-end is a new beginning, filled with a love and hope and excitement I wasn't sure I'd ever get to feel in my life.  And once again, I want to thank all the people in my life who helped me get from there to here, including all of you.  I can't wait to celebrate with you in the new year.

Here's wishing each of you a year full of good things; of peace, and happiness, and strength, and good health, and joy, and love.... lots of love.

My very best,

Marie

In Memoriam: The MaryMadeline Project

Those of you who followed BabyQuest know that I have depended heavily in the last several years on an online community of women undergoing infertility treatments.  Now I'm part of a parallel online community of the women who have gone on to become mothers, whether through successful infertility treatment, adoption, or spontaneous good luck.  Most of us will never meet, and yet there is a strong bond that I feel with these women.  We've supported each other through years of hope and disappointment, during fights with insurance companies and jargon-laden consultations with doctors.  We've celebrated each other's pregnancies, and every baby born to a woman in that community has about 100 online aunties waiting to see their next photograph and hear about their next milestone.  Those women are my sisters-in-arms.

Today, my heart is heavy, because one of our members is burying her child.  Baby June was born three weeks ago with a rare genetic disorder.  Her parents were told from June's first day on earth that she would not be with them for long.  The strength and love that they have demonstrated in the face of this tragedy are truly inspirational.  They relied on their faith and some unfathomable innate strength, and they rejoiced at June's birth each day of her short life, using every moment with her as a chance to show her their love.  Today, as they bury her, they celebrate her life, short as it was.

Molly, June's mother, keeps a blog.  On it, Molly wrote that a friend had found an organization that creates and donates burial gowns for infants.  Molly wrote about the happiness she felt in having a beautiful gown for her daughter, and the relief of not having to go out and find a gown on her own.  She asked for support for this group, so that other families experiencing such loss could receive the same comfort she did.

The nonprofit group that created Baby June's gown is called The Mary Madeline Project.  They use donated wedding gowns. 

My own wedding gown has been preserved in my attic for almost 10 years now.  I never knew what to do with it.  Now I know.  If you still have your dress and are so inclined, please go to www.marymadelineproject.org and donate yours as well.  Or mention it the next time someone you know asks what to do with their gown.  It may feel a little strange to suggest, but just think of the comfort you can bring to some parents' life.

And please say a special prayer today for Baby June and her amazing family.

I am so lucky (Love Thursday)

I am so humbled by and grateful for the amazing friends and family in my life.  The amount of love and support that's been pouring in over the last 24 hours, by phone, by email, on the internet and in person, has been amazing.  I'm overwhelmed with how loving you all are, and I'm taking all that love in and healing with it.

Thank you so much.

 

For more (happier) images and stories about love, as always, go here.