BabyQuest

Cautiously Exuberant

I'm just coming up with all kinds of new ways to describe my feelings, aren't I?

Yesterday was the retrieval.  It went as smoothly as one could ask for (with the minor issue of the IV not going in the left hand.  But it went in the right, and that's all that matters!)  They extracted 18 eggs.  A smaller number than last time, but a good number.  I'm concentrating on quality, not quantity.

Today they called and reported that all 18 were mature -- and SIXTEEN of them fertilized overnight, meaning we have 16 embryos to watch!!!  So there's my breathless exuberance. 

BUT -- here's the cautious part:  our problem in the past has always occurred later in the game.  Last time we started with 20 eggs, 14 fertilized, and we were left with only 3 embryos in the end.  Its the dwindle rate (as I call it) that's going to be more informative here.

So, please continue with all the positive energy and good vibes and prayers and fertility dances.  I am forever in your debt for them!!!

P.S.  I suddenly feel anxious about jinxing things.  That's silly, right?  There's no such thing as a jinx, right?

Meditation Resources

In response to Traci's request, I want to share with you my favorite books on meditation.  These books have helped me immensely.  After reading them, I realized that you don't have to be seated in lotus position with a lit candle in order to meditate.   You can do it while walking, while commuting, while washing the dishes, or while sitting at your desk at work.  For me, its about practicing mindfulness: noticing the coolness of the air or the warmth of the sun, or the quality of the light around me, which somehow stills the mind and allows me to pause, relax and breathe.

I highly recommend:

An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion In Everyday Life,  by the Dalai Lama

Peace Is Every Step:  The Path of Mindfulness In Everyday Life, by Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Nercited / Exervous!!!

We are quickly approaching our egg retrieval date.  I'm responding more quickly to the antagonist protocol than my past protocols, which I'm taking as a good sign.  I'm on lower doses of drugs for a shorter period of time, and I think that's got to be better for the eggies.  I've been feeling great -- I think last week's fatigue was due in good part to killer pollen -- and I'm getting increasingly excited; but also nervous.

This weekend I bought a new book, another meditation on meditation.  I'm trying to maintain my calm, balance it with a positive outlook, and keep myself in the present moment.  The brain keeps trying to run ahead into the future.  Mindfulness -- that's what I need now.  To simply be in the present moment, and let go of expectations and anticipation.

Nevertheless, I sure would appreciate a boat load of good luck and prayers for the next couple weeks.  ;)

Love and peace to all y'all...

A little status update

Well, I'm right about in the middle of stims for IVF #3.  We're doing an Antagonist protocol, and much to my surprise, things are actually proceeding a little differently this time.  In the past, I've been a bit of a slow responder, needing the maximum dose of drugs to get things cookin'.  That was because my past protocols started with a drug that suppresses your ovaries before you switch to other drugs that hyper-stimulate them. This time we skipped the suppression and went straight to hyper-stimulation.  And my ovaries?  They're hyper, alright!  So the doc is actually dialing things DOWN for a change.

Emotionally, I've been okay.  Don't get me wrong -- as my estrogen climbs exponentially, the weepies and the crabbies have steadily been working their way into the chinks in my Fortress of Positive Thinking.  And the ability to concentrate has been quite dismal this week, I must admit.  But I think I'm handling it all a lot better than the last time around.  I don't have that sense of resistance that was so strong last time.  

This is probably our last shot.  And its a miracle.  I'm trying to keep that in mind, and I actually thanked my ovaries today for working so hard.

You know you've crossed some kind of line when you start having conversations with your internal organs.....  But lets save that analysis for another day.