The other day, I was pulling Nico around the neighborhood in his little red wagon. It suddenly, as if for the first time, occurred to me that the wagon has two seats. Two. For two little bodies. Two little buddies. For the first time, I could really envision, clear as day, my TWO children sitting together, playing. It stopped my heart and made me laugh out loud.
Throughout this pregnancy, I have worried about the effect that a second baby will have on Nico. Right now, he gets 100% of my time and attention. I feel guilty about the impending attention deficit he's facing. In my head, I know he will be fine. I have two younger siblings, after all, and I can't remember life without them. I can't even IMAGINE life without them, nor would I want to.
But I'm just starting to feel that in my heart with respect to my son. Something shifted. Now, its almost like I can't see the worry I used to carry, because I'm looking forward so much to the multiplication of everything that is awesome about having one child.
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Part of what's so amazing about being a mother is the perspective its given me on my own mother. I mean, my Mom is one of those amazing moms who baked cookies and cake, took us on fun educational trips, dreamed up craft projects, embroidered our favorite Muppet characters onto our hoodies -- yes, she actually did that. She was always tender and bright and yet exerted a constant pressure and expectation of achievement and independence. When we were older, she went to work and still managed to be there for games and recitals and cooked dinner, etc. She is literally Super Mom. I've always known that, and I've always known how lucky I am to be one of her children.
But there was so much I didn't know. So much I didn't know or understand about what drives a person to become that kind of Super Mom: the kind of magical, tender, unexplicable love that I feel for my children -- my son and my unborn daughter. I was and am the recipient of that kind of love, going back to a time before memory. And now I get to experience it again, through my own children.
What an incredible gift this is: this love that goes back and forth, forever expanding, traveling to and from and through generations. It makes me want to say "Amen." Thank you. I am so grateful.
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